The Very Secret Diaries of the Caribbean
by Broken Creativity
Summary: We all know the story of the fight-for-your-life action and the love story of Will and Elizabeth. But what of the story you didn't see? Find out when you read the very secret diaries of the characters of the Caribbean!


The VSD of Captain Jack Sparrow (Prologue) Day 1 Got marooned on some bloody spit of land they call an island. Not as bad as to be expected. Nice little stock of rum here. Its actually quite tasty. Am thinking maybe I should watch how much I drink so I don't run out. Naaah I am too lazy. No ship of my own anymore. Day 2 Am reconsidering decision. Absoloutely nothing to do here. Am stuck with lying on a beach.  
  
Still no ship of my own. Day 3 That's it. Im going to ration the rum. Later Never mind. Was saved of doing unpleasant task by the arrival of the rum- runners. Was able to get a ride off by swearing I wouldn't tell anyone what was here. As if. Theyd just come and steal it all. Bloody pirates.  
  
Considered taking rum-runners ship, but decided against it, as it would've been impossible, sinse I was clapped in irons.  
  
10 years later. Day 1 Arrived in a small port. Ship was sinking, apparently there was a leak. Everyone dresses funny here. The ladies look quite swish but the men look as though they are going for the who-can-give-themselves-the-biggest-wedgie award or something. The good-looking men all have women. Suspect single ones may be eunuch. There are many of them. Something wrong with this town. Nothing like Tortuga. Later Was trying to inspect a ship that was on my maybe list for commandeering but was stopped by two guards. Don't know who they thought they were. The idiots, I could've taken both of them single-handedly. Which is what I would've probably had to do. But luckily they were easily confused so in the midst of a squabble I slipped unnoticed onto the ship and proceeded as though nothing had interrupted. Then the guards came and asked me what I was doing. Told 'em the truth. Don't think they believed me though. Even later Girl fell from the top of the fort. When I got on deck all these guards came and pointed there guns at me. One man shook my hand and pushed up my sleeve, revealing the P. Knew I should've had it put somewhere else. Later Still Almost escaped. Saved the bloody daughter of the governor but that made no difference. She was quite pretty. Ba ut much too flat of a chest. Can't have that. She did have a medallion though. I got as far as the blacksmiths shop when I got caught. While we were sword fighting I considered asking him to commandeer a ship with me. He'd make nice company to look at. Was on the brink of asking him (under the threat of shooting him) when I got hit in the head. Not so fun. Practically ruined all my chances for getting a ship.  
  
Even later still Was stuck in a cell across from other stupid prisoners trying to persuade the dog to come. They don't know nothin' bout the technique that takes. Only comes from experience. Black pearl came and attacked. V. interesting to know that there is a curse. Wonder if they got the medallion from Elizabeth. Bet if they did that boy in the blacksmiths shop is gonna go after them and try and save her I bet. Too bad. I wish he'd rescue me. Still no ship to call myself captain of.  
  
Day 2 Turns out the boy is planning on going after Elizabeth but needed my help. Of course. No one can do anything without me. Turns out his name is will turner. Named after his dad. Bootstrap. Kinda rained on my parade. I mean you don't like your friends children. Plus hes like half my age. Oh well. And he likes Elizabeth. Oh well. At least he got me out. Later FINALLY HAVE A SHIP!!!! Vedy vedy nice one too. S'posed to be the fastest one if the Caribbean, but I doubt it. I mean they need to be sure its faster than the BP before they take the bragging rights. But its still pretty fast. Young Will is fun to watch. When he pulls on the ropes you can see the muscles flexing under his shirt. Told him his dad was a pirate. He didn't take it too well. Had to threaten to let him drown. Wouldn't have really done it. I'd've missed his company. But I had to get a point across. I got his respect now. And I got the authority. I can make him do aaaaaaaaaaaaaannything I want him to. Hmmm... Later Made it to tortuga. Lovely to be back here. Will doesn't seem to like it too much. Too much male-female interaction for him. Suspect he may be eunuch. Would explain a lot. Made a deal with Mr. Gibbs. He's gonna find me a crewand im gonna get my rightful ship back. Yay! Think he was hitting on Will though. I'll kill him if he tries anything. Day 3 Got a crew. Ran into a spot of a bother when Annamaria showed up. Still is mad about the whole boat incident. How else was I gonna get away from her? Steal her boat, that way, I'm gone, and she has no way to come after me. I win both ways. Only hers was the ship that sank when I was in port royal. I'm guessing she knew it was a crappy ship, but is happy to have excuses to slap me. But anyway we are all on our way to the dreaded Isla de Morte. Where Barbossa's going to be. I get my ship and he gets his gold and Will gets Elizabeth. He wants her bad enough. Why doesn't he want me?  
  
Later Caught Gibbs telling my story to Will. He stretched it a bit. I roped a couple of sea turtles? Please. I don't even have that much hair on my back. Will knows this for a fact. He asked my how could that be true, I told him it just never grew back in. Not sure if he believes me. Truth is I've never had much hair on my back. Ever. It's all been on my head and face and legs. Not feet. Never really had hairy feet. Am thinking that's a good thing. Still later Got to the island. There was this huge storm on the way there but it was all great, because I got to slap Gibbs for holding onto Will. Been looking for a reason to hit that man for ages. Told the men to keep to the code if the worst should happen. Went to the island with Will.. Told him to wait for the opportune moment. Don't think he will. Expect he will do something either v. rash or stupid. Day 4 Woke up next to a paddle last night. Apparently Will knocked me out with it. Stupid boy. Maybe not liking him so much. I mean I never knocked him out. Oh wait, um, never mind. Anyway. Managed to negotiate with Barbossa about getting me ship back. He didn't seem naught to pleased but life goes on. Except I got locked in the brig. I wasn't too please about that. Came up on the interceptor. They blew a hole in me door. Was able to walk right out Blew the other ship up. The monkey "Jack" got the medallion. Bloody monkey. I hate the stupid monkey. Later I swear, Will is so stupid. He totally sacrificed himself to save the crew and Elizabeth. She's gonna have to walk the plank I'll bet anything. He really does love her. Am feeling a pout coming on. Even Later Well Elizabeth did walk the plank. So did I. Back of the bloody spit of land. Elizabeth isn't too happy with me. The only good thing about this is the fact that the rum is still here. Looks like they've long been out of business. I like rum. Rum is v. good. I take it Elizabeth doesn't like it very much. Day 5 I hate Elizabeth. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Got drunk last night with her. Was about to shag her senseless when I passed out. She started burning all of the food, the shade, the rum! The rum is gone and she doesn't care. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! I'm on the HMS Dauntless at the moment. Elizabeth's just made a deal with Norrington to marry him in exchange for Will's rescue. Maybe she is good for something. This way Will is going to be heartbroken and looking for comfort and she won't be there to give it to him because she'll be with the commodore and he will have no choice but to come to me. YES! Well, maybe not. Young ones are awfully unpredictable. I don't think Miss Swan truly admires the commodore. Dan. Guess she'll be goin' after Will then. Later I am soooooo smart. Elizabeth is locked in a room on the Dauntless to prevent her screwing everything up, I made a deal with Barbossa to get the Black Pearl back, Everyone thinks I'm on their side. I love the element of surprise. Stole a medallion when Barbossa wasn't looking. Suspect Will saw me. Think he's got me figured out. Oh well. Even later Quite an exciting night, if I do say so myself.. Barbossa's dead. His crew is in captivity, Will isn't marrying Elizabeth so far. Don't think he's even told her how he feels. I guess it's fair. Haven't told him how I feel. Maybe I should. No don't think I will. Maybe? No. Definetly not. I am king. See my crown? Day 6 Well I ALMOST got hanged. Thankfully Will came to my rescue. Had several insane urges to kiss him. Resisted all. Almost. Well yes anyway. Told Elizabeth it would've never worked out between us. Hope I didn't break her heart, she seemed really disappointed. She shouldn't be. She gets Will. I really hate Elizabeth. Jumped off the fort and swan to my ship. Once at the wheel I looked back up at the fort and guess what I saw? Will and Elizabeth sharing a lovely snog. I really hate Elizabeth Swan. 


End file.
